"Hurricanes Are Good Because They Kill More White People"

Summer, 2005

Yo, what the fuck up with expensive gas ? Chu don't have car, cause big boss man don't pay Chu shit to sit in warehouse with angry barking dog. But I'm all pissed off, cause you mix gasoline with Diet Pepsi and boil for thirty minutes, that shit fuck you up something crazy. And at $2.15 a gallon, that shit just right in the pocket book, too.

Now white people raising price of gas because rednecks blowing away in the wind. Shit, how many rednecks it take to pump gas ? I go to gas station, Ackmed still sitting behind six inches of bulletproof glass, wearing towel on his head. He no blown away, but suddenly it more cheaper to buy "Budweiser Select" than special "Chu Brand" forget pain drink. WHITE MAN TRYING TO KEEP CHU DOWN !! NO JUSTICE, NO CHU !!

Seriously, why gas so expensive ? What the fuck we go to war with Iraq all those months ? Please, you think we go there to pass out bibles and give freedom to camel jockeys ? Bitch, lots of people having cruel leaders in world, but their ass not sitting on big toilet bowl full of black gold. When automobiles run on wood spears, we come and liberate black people in South Africa, okay ? Till then, you click teeth and pray for rain. Should have never kicked the British out; you could have been eating tea and crumpets, playing cricket and football, drink gin and tonics. Now you lie in ditches, picking flies off your eyes. Black people in America know what I'm talking about...first you be slaves, then you get sweet potato and peanut, then you become Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice. That how that shit work, bitches.

People down south be like, "Oh, give us 260 billions dollars, cause we build a town next to a lake that floods all the time" -- AND THE STUPID GOVERNMENT DO IT !! Fuck man, Chu stand on street corner all night long, tie penis between his legs so look like girl, only earn $2.50 a night "the hard way" Chu can't even get a free cheese sandwich, but all drunks in New Orleans and Texas get billions of dollars. Fuck you roundeyes. Chu put on big ten gallon hat, have sex with sister, root for Dallas Cowboys, get billions of dollars, too.

Seriously, reason you supposed to care who President is because of fucked up hurricane shit like this. Bad shit happen, all black people and jazz and New Orleans floating in the sea, you think Bush going to give wet hairy fuck about that ? He busy fucking bitches in the ass, just like Clinton. Bush fucking all kinds of bitches in the ass, only they Christian bitches and they not tell anyone about that shit. That be like in the bible, "Don't tell anyone when you getting fucked in the ass by an older man" Why you think priests always paving that Hershey highway ?

Hurricane hit, and black people think it coupon day at Target. Running around with flat screen TV's, saying "I need to feed my family" Then water come, and they sitting up on roof saying "Save my family and my new flat screen TV, mister helicopter man !!" Black people run real fast when they have free chicken day at KFC, but they can't run away from water with three days notice ? It not like black people drown anyway, cause oil and water don't mix. Black people just float to the surface, like Exxon seagulls in Alaska. Uncle Hu tell me that, and he one wise motherfucker.

Let me see...poor people in New Orleans and Texas don't have food, power cut off, they have no jobs, they asking government for help. How the fuck this different from last goddamn month ? Shit, Chu have no money either, but no one give me billion dollars if I turn on the hose and let it run all night.

This why Chu no like white people. Or Japanese. Those Japanese people, they have all kinds of fucked up things in vending machines. You go to Japan, no speak the language, put money in machine for potato chips...you get soiled panties !! What the fuck Chu do with cum stained panties ? You can't drag those motherfuckers though a big tub of onion dip when you hungry !

If you ever be with a girl, and panties smell like onion dip, you have a serious motherfucking problem. That what my Uncle Hu say to me, he say "Fuck America, fuck working for stupid internet site, and don't go south with the mouth if that shit smell like onion dip."

Uncle Hu, he would know, too. Kill a whole lot of white motherfuckers in the Vietnam war. He dress up like "Uncle Ben" and just sit in rice paddy all day. White people come and get picture taken with "Uncle Ben" and Hu just blow them the fuck away. Laugh his ass off, too. Them good days. I wish I there now.

Chu is the eight year old supervisor of the Stupid Children corporate warehouse.

Also by Chu

F"Fuck Coma Girl"

"A Message From Chu" (stupidchildrenstore.com)