| From Actress
Look-Alike,
29, 5’2” --
I'm sexy, fun, outgoing, and I like to party ! Looking for someone
to show me all the cool clubs in town for dancing and dinner.
Dear
Look-Alike,
I
loved your ad (I love dancing and dinner !) and thought I'd tell
you a little about myself. My name is Travis, and I'm 25. I was
born and raised in the mountains of North Carolina, about sixty
miles from Duke University.
You
know, mountain people are good people. The word “hillbilly” has
meanings attached to it that Hollywood and the media put there
for shock value. For the record, my family and kinfolk prefer
the label “sons of the soil” My family was actually
kinda normal. I have one older sister (Grace) and one older
brother (Karl, who is gay, but really nice) I’m
the baby of the family, or as my mother puts it “her fawn”
Life
in mountains seems so different than life in the city. For
one thing, the club scene is completely different. Back home,
we have one bar, and the juxebox only plays old Chicago songs.
The cool thing about the place is that they don’t card you,
and everyone in town knows (including the law) and doesn’t
care. Saddling
up to the bar and getting “Mountain Juice” as they
call it, is just part of growing up in the south. It’s
actually kinda funny when you see a nine year old boy go up to
the bar for the first time, put down his nickel, and take his first
heaping gulp of pure country sunshine. What’s even
funnier is watching him puke his guts out, on the floor, on the
table, on the pinball machine, on the jukebox playing "Look Away"
- even on old Earl, who sweeps up the place. True, our town
has one of the highest levels of liver disease in the country,
but I’ll be damned if those
boys in Washington are going to take away our traditions !
What
I really miss is Sunday dinner with my family. Food
just tastes better, and I think you appreciate it more, if you
had a hand in killing it. Grace made us all laugh last year
when she dressed the pig we were going to eat that night in a handmade
orange jumpsuit. We walked the pig around the yard, around
and around, around and around some more. My brother started
mumbling to the pig in Latin, and my father rounded up all his
friends so they could be the “observers to the execution” Even
mom got into the act, calling the pig on the phone and pretending
she was the governor, and then hanging up when the pig got all
excited. Then, at the stroke of midnight, I dropped the pig
into a bathtub full of water, and chucked a set of jumper cables
in after it, while dad revved the motor of the dodge. I’ll
tell ya, that bacon was achin ! Makes ya think, don’t
it ? Do
you like cats too ?
Write
soon ! -Darrell
Tall
and Slender Latina,
19, 5’10” -- Student
looking for benefactor to help me attain my goals. Music industry
connections a major plus.
Dear
Tall and Slender,
Have
you ever wondered if there’s such a thing as destiny ? After
reading your post on the internet, I sure think there is. I
was enjoying a delightful glass of Pinot Grigio while listening
to some jazz, when my white furry pussycat,
Coltrane (he’s
one cool kitty, sugar !) jumped up and ran over to the computer. When
I wandered upstairs to see what all the fur and feathers was about,
he just sat there swishing his tale to the music. That’s
when I saw your ad in my mailbox, and saw that you were looking
for someone who loves music too ! I’m
in my early 50's, and live in a two bedroom ranch style house on
the beach, about five minutes south of Malibu, California. It
is so awesome here, and I love looking out at the beach at night. I
was able to afford the house after I suffered an accident while
doing white water rapids in Colorado. The company running
the trip staffed our boat with someone who didn’t know what
he was doing, and led us towards rapids where some sharp rocks
were under the current. One moment he’s making a smart-ass
comment (along the lines of “Can anyone drive this thing
?”)
and the next thing I know everyone is screaming and he’s
hitting them with his paddle and I blacked out. To make a
long story short, I lost the use of my legs, and have since had
them removed to minimize the risk of infection. But life
is so precious, I never lost my will to live and to experience
new things, and to meet new people (like you !) on the internet
! In fact, that's how I met my last girlfriend, Gina. She
was quite a character, who made a really nice living dancing in
a club in West Hollywood. Although that kinda made me feel
uncomfortable, she was able to look past my gross physical deformity
and see the inner me. The sex was actually some of the most
wild in my life….without legs getting in the way, we were
able to do all kinds of crazy positions, like sideways, and spinning
around, and twirling. So I guess the lesson I’ve learned
over the last few years is that you can find the good in everything.
Do you like cats too ?
Write
soon ! -Darrell
From
Angel Lost in the City, 21, 5'4 - “Looking
for a heart that can warm mine. With love, friendship and confidence.
A person that can bring me sunshine.”
Dear
Angel,
When
I read you ad, I cried at how sweet it was. I mean, I don’t
want you to think that I’m
all mushy and stuff, but I really had to get up from the computer,
walk over to my cat (Mr. Cuddles..he’s a furry white pussycat
who likes tuna, yum, yum! :) and I cried and petted him and
then I had to stop because my eyes were watering (I’m allergic
to cats) You said that you were lost in the city. God,
that’s just how I feel ! Isn’t that great ? I
mean, I get lost all the time. I’m from a small town,
and I can’t find my way around here for the life of me ! Part
of the problem is that I don’t see very well at night, and
the letters on the signs are really small. Anyway, I would
love to warm your heart. I grew up in the rural heartland
of America, near Washington DC. My parents
ran a small farm which didn’t do very well, and the bank
was always on the verge of taking it away. But my parents
had faith, and love, which is such a hard thing to find these days. No
matter what, my father kept food on the table, country music on
the radio, and love on the stove. Then he died in an accident,
and my mother remarried. We sold the farm, and my step-dad
Mitch sent me away to boarding school. I didn’t really
see them much for the next few years, because he drank and liked
his other kids better. But the whole thing taught me about
family. And I think I could be your sunshine if you could
be my rainbow. Then we would be warm colors dancing in the
sky, and I’d finally have somewhere to go during the holidays. I
hope your parents like visitors !!!!! Do you like cats too
?
Write
soon ! -Darrell
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